normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
