we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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