I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my shit smells like andre
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
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