Life is so much better after having sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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