I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
