just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
