I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
