so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
