I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize