I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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