Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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