i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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