So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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