and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just invented taco cereal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
