I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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