Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize