I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
