don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
