hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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