so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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