i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
