It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
