I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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