I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
