I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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