Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
