there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize