There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
