Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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