I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
