Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
