Dude my mom stole all your condoms
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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