Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
