Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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