OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mom said you looked used
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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