I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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