I wish I could teleport
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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