My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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