i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
