So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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