ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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