i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
