i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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