he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
