well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
