OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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