i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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