You can't motorboat a personality
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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