I wish I could punch you in the face.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
