just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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