You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
