so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
