Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
