what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
