Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
