worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The air was thick with penises
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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