you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
