jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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