eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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