i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
