I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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