whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
