he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize