If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
