at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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