There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
