A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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