Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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